Jack’s Guitarcheology “Bed Pan Halen’s Frankensh*t” Toilet Seat Electric Guitar (2021, White Relic)


Jack’s Guitarcheology “Bed Pan Halen’s Frankensh*t” Toilet Seat Electric Guitar (2021, White Relic)


1 in stock



Before you keep reading, just know this whole listing is going to be TMI, toilet humor and bad puns. You have been warned. It does not get better from here. 

My wife and I bought new bidets and toilet seats for our bathrooms. I was hauling the old throne covers out to the trash can outside when I had a very dumb idea. Anyway, 4-5 manhours of my life later, here we are. Did I have better things to do than make a toilet seat guitar? Oh most certainly. Were any of those things as fun as making a toilet seat guitar? Absolutely not.

So, I think this is the part of our show where we need to address the large pile of elephant poo in the room. If you are keeping score at home, you might have just picked up on the fact that this is indeed a used toilet seat. Like, used for normal human toilet seat purposes…

Obviously, I Lysol’d it. Then, I Lysol’d it. Then, I Lysol’d it. Then I drilled and cut into it. Then I sanded it with fine grit sand paper. Then, I Lysol’d it. Then I cleaned it with traditional instrument polish at the end, so it is 100% sanitary and the surface that has actually touched buns has been sanded off.

I plan to make more of these in the future out of brand new toilet seats, so if the thought of a used toilet seat skeeves you out on principal (I totally get that), but you enjoy the humor of a guitar made out of a crapper cap….keep an eye on my shop a month or two from now for an unused, brand new toilet seat guitar. (If the fact that this guitar has touched numerous butts is a plus to you in your consideration of this purchase, no judgement here. I mean, hey, I am the guy selling a toilet seat guitar afterall…)

So, you would probably guess that this thing sounds like crap. *buh dump tiss* But, actually my jaw hit the floor when I first played it. It sounds SO much better than an electrified toilet seat should. If you want to get s demo of how this sounds, I posted a video of me performing Nickelback’s triumph “Photograph” on the first toilet seat guitar on my Instagram. @jacksguitarcheology

I landed on the name “Bed Pan Halen’s Frankensh*t” after careful debate and polling of Instagram and Reddit. Here are some honorable mentions:

  • Sh***y Can Halen
  • Shreddy Van Crappin’
  • The Panama Pooper
  • The Guitoilet
  • The Crappercaster

On to the the very serious stuff because guitars are very serious business:

  • All the parts came from my personal stash, some of them have been around a while, so I will try and remember what I can.
  • The neck is a 1pc Maple made by Mitey Might. Fender lisc. with the Fender headstock. I bought it from MM’s clearance section because the nut slot was blown out, so I leveled it out to take an old school style nut. I was saving it for a crappy build like this, it would look off on a normal Strat. Works great for this.
  • I modified the pickguard by cutting off the horn, but it (and the pickpoops and electronics) came from a late 1980s/early 1990s Korean made Squier Strat. It was painted when I got it.
  • Hardtail bridge, Allparts basic.
  • AllParts basic 10mm modern style poo-ners
  • Super-pooper authentic 1996 Chuck E. Cheese token bridge stop.

The open back on the guitar gives it an almost hollowbody tone.

After I “routed” the lid, it broke at the edge and I had to epoxy it back together. After that I just decided to relic the guitar because the idea of a relic’d toilet seat is hilarious to me. Honestly, the relic looks WAY better than it should on a john cap guitar. This gives “Mother of Toilet Seat” a WHOLE new meaning.

Listen, is this going to play like a boutique $5k guitar? Crap, no.

But does it play better than an electric pot cover should? Absolutely.

Could you play a show with it when that is a thing that can happen again? Yes, yes you can.

Will you be the talk of the scene/town with your Stratocrapper? Also Yes.

Due to the high probability of buyer’s indigestion (read: remorse), I am selling this “as described.” To be completely honest, this was kind of a blast to make and I would love to make more. No bullcrap!

This guitar comes with no case or gig bag, but I pack my guitars tight and always ship with full insurance. If you read all of that, thank you and seek help. This goes without saying: I, in no way, mean any disrespect to the late, great Eddie Van Halen. I think he would find this funny. RIP Ed. <3

Got questions? Shoot me a message, I love nerding out with other gearheads! 

Additional information




Jack's Guitarcheology


The Stratocrapper


Jack's Guitarcheology


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